It’s been awhile.
I have these long gaps in my blogging that are more consistent than my blogging. Sometimes they’re intentional. Sometimes they’re for lack of energy. Sometimes they’re simply symptoms of my not wanting to deal with my soul. Call it laziness, apathy, or fear. Writing always takes something from me and at times I’m not willing to give.
But I admire those who can write or create by the sheer enjoyment of it. Writing has become work. I suppose that’s the only way one can improve and grow. Consistency. Effort. Intention… and that dreadful “D” word… DISCIPLINE.
Granted, I do a lot of writing. Actually, I do a lot of mulling, and thinking what to write, and how to write for the purposes of preaching. Preaching is such a strange task that I’m still not quite understanding what it is that I’m doing. Not a lecture. Not quite spoken word. Not a presentation. And not a sharing of personal experiences. I read that Calvin saw preaching as political education.. the Word of God (and not the Eucharist as administrated by the Catholic Church) is authoritative and at the center of worship. It certainly has power to shape people’s understanding. Three years in and it still feels daunting that when I preach, people are listening.
… AND they forget a lot of it too. As do I.
None of this excuses the fact that I still need to practice my writing. And it doesn’t matter if it sucks or if it’ll lead me to writing something more than a 20 minute sermon. Writing is one of those gifts in my life that has given me a voice, even when I couldn’t articulate a sound to an absent listener. Writing helps me to enter into a space of listening and creating. Listening to the strands of disconnected thoughts in my heart, and creating something to be shared.
And so, here we go again.